Singlehood

Sometimes I am sad that I am single. It doesn't happen often as I spent more years than I can count living with a man that made my stomach turn; both in his inability to thoroughly cook meat products and his general grossness. But there are a few moments when a couple of young lovers are holding hands and smiling and I think "that seems like it might be nice." Because it is nice. Once Humphrey and I held hands and smiled at each other. He had just lost twenty pounds and I had lost ten. We were on a very strict diet for at least three months if I recall. We were going to be attending a party Carole was throwing. Generally Carole's parties are fairly subdued. She doesn't know that many people and the ones she does know make me feel pretty good about my own self but also pretty sad that I am left speaking to them. As if I am like them in some way. And when they speak to me they don't explicitly recognize that I am a far better person than they are. It angers me.

Carole's party was being attended by a former sweetheart of mine, Roy. Roy was a very handsome fellow who ended up doing quite well for himself in the carpet business. Humphrey was always insanely jealous of Roy. Mostly because I often thought of him during intercourse and would sometimes remark that I wish I was having intercourse with Roy and things of that nature. I never meant to hurt Humphrey with these comments but I had to be quite drunk in order to intercourse with him so sometimes it slipped out.

I wanted to look fetching for Roy. Although I do not believe in divorce, I do think it is acceptable to have an affair if your spouse doesn't find out or at least doesn't mention it. Humphrey noticed I was dieting and decided to also diet since he was really quite fat and probably felt a sense of embarrassment and shame. When I saw Roy at the party he was still rather handsome, although he had clearly recently received plastic surgery on his nose as it was very tiny compared to the rest of his face. As I said hello to Roy, Humphrey came over and saw the tiny nose and then we looked at each other, held hands, and smiled.