Menses

I stopped getting my menses quite some time ago. I believe my body ceased producing eggs once Humphrey died. It knew there was no point anymore. There was really no point to begin with as I find children unbearable, but perhaps my body did not communicate with my brain in that regard. Humphrey always wanted children. He would always ask me "why I was so barren?" And "what's going on with my empty uterus?" He wanted me to visit a doctor. I refused. Doctor's are very helpful with things like sneezes and warts, but not for lady problems. A man trying to fix a lady problem! I have never heard of such nonsense. And besides, I rarely let Humphrey take a look at my lady parts. I certainly wasn't going to let some old man doctor inside there.

In reality, I was happy that my uterus refused to conceive. I hated Humphrey so and the thought that a part of him would outlive me was too much to bear. Don't get me wrong, I didn't know for sure that he would die before me. But I had my suspicions. One, he was extremely fat. And two, sometimes I poisoned him. Not a lot, just sometimes he wanted me to take trips with him or do something "as a couple" so I would agree but then slip a little poison in his dinner the night before so he would be too sick to go.

I thought my menses were coming back. I felt a terrible pain in my stomach. I couldn't eat and sitting was uncomfortable. I phoned my friend Carole who thought it was absurd that my menses would return. She laughed and laughed. I hate Carole so much. The pain was so terrible that I had to spend the entire day on my back, in front of a fan, with a cold compress on my head. I realized later that it was the result of a sit-up I had done earlier that morning.