Dating in the Modern World

My girlfriend Carole recently asked my advice on dating. I don't usually discuss such tawdry matters in public, so we went to a more private part of the house. Carole is a divorcee. I am not one of those women who would disassociate with a person after they do something against God. However, you can't just quit something that is hard. If you make a commitment to someone then you have to stay with them. Even if they repulse you later in life. Even if they develop a strange smell and start wearing rainbow jumpsuits. It may not be something you had predicted would happen, but it happened and it is your responsibility to see it through. My husband passed away eight years ago. It is so much classier to call yourself a widow than a divorcee. Of course, I can't ever be with another man. It wouldn't look right, but I do get to have much more freedom than I did when Humphrey was alive. I can make phone calls whenever I want. Although as a rule I don't call people after 7:30pm. I also can wear lavender, which Humphrey called "a whore's color." In some respects I was lucky. I suppose I will have an eternity with Humphrey after death. But I can only imagine that God has some sort of dress code.

So back to Carole. She wants to date men now. Very tawdry. She doesn't have any children, so she does not need to worry about exposing her children to a sexual brigade of anonymous men. But she does have neighbors and of course there are so many semen diseases now. You have to be very careful. Carole is thinking about using the internet to find a man. When she told me this I could not help but laugh. The internet is great for finding adventurous shrimp salad recipes, but it is no place to find a man. Some of these internet matching sites are like a sex parade. You cannot find a good man that way. I suggested taking an automotive class. There are many men learning about the automotive industry. I have also seen many men playing sports. I suggested Carole begin attending baseball games and distributing lemonade to the players. You can also find a lot of men at gymnasiums. If she were to stand outside of a gymnasium I am sure she would meet a nice man. I met Humphrey at a pants store, which is another good place to meet men. I do confess, it wasn't happenstance. My mother was getting worried that I would end up alone, so I would sit in front of the pants store for three hours a day in my finest dress and wait for men to talk to me. Humphrey is the first man to talk to me, and from there the rest is history.